My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
