I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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