If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
