I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
