And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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