she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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