Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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