I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
