so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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