our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
