The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
sex in a hospital.. check
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
