great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
