i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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