i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
