I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
