New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
