These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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