I wanna passion pit in your ass
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
