Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
