Non-Jews are for practice
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
