My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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