you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
