I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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