i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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