Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
