I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
