Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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