i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
