I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
