is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
