i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
