Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
