she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
