the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
