Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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