Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
