the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
True college students do jello shots in the library
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