i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
