I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
