I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
