Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
