rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
