i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
