I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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