Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
