dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
