Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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