i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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