she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
