Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
