5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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